I LET YOU LOVE MY SHELL: A Poem

 
 
 

Why do I do this?

Leave myself in the dust.

Why do I do this?

Leave my desires unmet.

Why do I do this?

Accommodate you always over me.

The scale tips towards codependence

No matter how hard i try

To stay aware of my learned nature

To sacrifice me for your wellbeing

Safety measures overworking

Over-amplified in the background

Hyper-vigilance running my systems

Self-sacrificing who I am for who you are

Why do I do this?

Disregard my truth for your comfort.

Why do I do this?

Fitting in with you to avoid abandonment.

Why do I do this?

Forgetting my ways to fit in with yours.

Chameleon effect in full force

Being who you need me to be

As code for love on highest

When code for love on lowest...actually.

Love isn’t love when I let you love my shell

Love is love when I bare all of me and a choice made from there

Forgive me for robbing you of the chance

To love the fullest, rawest, brightest me

Why do I do this?

Because I haven’t loved me yet.

Why do I do this?

Because the learned model was corrupt from the beginning

Why do I do this?

Because I get to be the one to break this endless, painful cycle. 

The more I see, the more I know.

The more I know, the more I learn.

The more I learn, the more I see.

The more I see, the more I heal.

In my power I go with you hopefully by my side

Not blaming you for the sudden switch

Inviting you to meet your power side by side

On we go or on we don’t.

I hope we can choose each other from this new space

I hope we get to know each other here

And if we don’t, my love, thank you

Thank you for being the exact mirror I needed to see the real me.


 

 
 

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